He loved everything and everyone. He wanted to seduce you, to explore you, to conquer you. He was greedy, uninhibited; he had a tongue that was two feet long. He started the whole thing, he was the first one to have sex with the early humans, the Neanderthals, he was the real troublemaker. He was a born politician, he had a high emotional IQ. He had a way with the ladies and a way with the men. He would fuck your pets and eat your furniture and then do it the other way around. He was your first lover and your last, he was every good time you ever had and every hangover all at once. He was bright red, covered in soft velvety fur, had poor posture and smelt strongly when wet. He was a party animal.